If I were just a very average girl, with a very average education, from a very average family, with no expectations/dreams, would my life have changed? Would I be a happier person?

I have always been very sure of what I want to do and what I want to achieve. The paradox is...I seem to lose my direction during my struggle. The frequency of being so has been increasing. I'm not sure if age is the factor, and as I start welcoming new changes in my life.

After going in circles endless times, I finally found someone whom I can spend my life with. Having lost him once, I am not prepared to go through the agony all over again, which explains the amount of effort I have put in.

It took me a lot of courage to reopen this chapter I unwillingly closed. My desire to make up for the loss, and the desire to create beautiful memories has made me change. Gradually, I've come to realise that I'm afterall, a female - one who craves to take care of the house, and prepare meals for her husband, hoping that it will serve as a daily surprise to him after his long day of struggle at work - just like most of my phenotype.

I still love being a doctor, despite my whines about the various aspects of my job. But I seem to find more joy and excitement when I prepare myself to buy ingredients at the supermarket, to whip up dishes for him. I like knowing that he receives comfort and happiness with the food I prepare. I like seeing the smile and glitter in his eyes as I present to him my self-acclaimed "masterpieces". For that moment, it seemed like I have found a new hope/purpose in my seemingly meaningless life, albeit short-lived.

I'm envious of my female friends who are able to do this....