A couple who loves each other dearly, but having to undergo parental disapproval........sounds like that of a typical film. Each time I watch films like this, I am filled with admiration for the couple and am terribly touched by the love they have for each other. Looks good on screen, and sounds brilliant when told, but it's hell being in it.

I had never expected myself to be in such a situation, and I can only say it's full of agony being in it. Since Dearie left, I have spent more nights crying to sleep than not. Sometimes, I feel so mentally drained that I'll even skip all my meals for the day, and spend my day sleeping.

Feelings between me and Dearie have grown, and along with it, the pain grows. The more disapproval we got, the stronger our feelings grow for each other, and so does the pain. And what drains me are the reasons why his dad is against our relationship. It isn't my fault that I'm not born and bred in China. It also isn't my fault that I'm not blessed with the height and good looks.

It is bad enough having to be separated and to see each other every few months, but everything has just gotten worse with things that happen because of disapproval.

First, it was arguments between father and son. Then came allowance cuts. Then came more arguments and Dearie got so fed up with it all that he chose to move out of his Dad's to live with his Mum.

Then now Dearie's car is confiscated, hence resulting in him having to take the public bus (he can't even afford the taxi now). And even the keys to his apartment is confiscated.

What else is going to happen next, I ask myself and Dearie. Will Dearie be forced to work in China and forced to go for matchmaking sessions with his dad's friends' daughters?

I can understand that Dearie is feeling very stressed over these at the moment, but what he said just now hurt me tremendously.

I don't deny that I hope to have a rich boyfriend, but that isn't the reason why I liked him in the first place. I hope to have Dearie picking me up from the airport with his car, not because I want to be chauffered around to prove that I have a rich boyfriend, but because I love car rides, and sitting next to my bf and looking around while he drives is one of the things I hope to experience with the person I love. Staying with only Dearie in his apartment was because I hope to spend quality time with him, with no disturbances. Having been together for more than 2 years, it's a shame that we rarely have time for ourselves without any worries/disturbances. I miss the time when we were in Sichuan together, and if it weren't for his good friend who so kindly had a 30 minute shower just to give us private time, we wouldn't even have the chance to even kiss and hug each other to sleep. I want to experience that again.

But I didn't know that my requests were too much. I wasn't aware that his car has been confiscated, and neither was I aware that the key was confiscated too. And when I'm feeling disappointed enough, he had to say I'm making life difficult for him.

Maybe my parents are right. I shouldn't even go to China this time. I am indeed going with a very heavy heart this time, but for the sake of seeing Dearie, I told them I'll cope and still chose to go ahead with the trip (am I being silly?).

He started comparing me with his cousin. Apparently, she's in love with a guy who is extremely poor and her parents are hitting the roof top over their relationship. But his cousin doesn't give a damn abt it, and told Dearie that in the worst situation, she'll leave home to marry the guy and live the rest of her life with him in the village.

"I was touched by what she said, and I asked myself if u love me as much as how she loves her boyfriend. If it were u, will u move out of the house and live the rest of your life with me in the village? U wouldn't. U aren't a girl who will go through hardship with me. U can't lead a hard life. If I weren't rich, u won't choose to stay with me. U're the same as the girls in Beijing."

After being together for more than 2 years, this is what he makes out of me. I'm not rich, but neither am I that poor to desperately need a rich bf. Neither do I have to make myself go through all this, when I could go back to Singapore and meet someone else who is from Singapore, who can afford to marry me, who can afford to give me a comfortable life.

Suddenly, it feels pointless to continue with this relationship.