Birthdays

Next week's my little cousin's birthday celebration. And this little brat actually thought hard about who she wants to invite to her party. It was Granny who told us that. I haven't bought her a present. I'll try to get them during the weekdays. I'm wondering what will be best. No clothes definitely. She's got too many of them. Maybe toys..cooking ones. She loves the Fisherprice set I've got. It's my favourite set of toys, and I actually still have them with me..in perfect condition. Meant for my future kids (if I ever have any).

The topic of birthdays was then brought up in Dad's car.

My brother is looking forward to his, and he even had his wishlist all planned out. Plus, he has already told who to buy what for his big day..which is in February (so many mths later and he's having plans already...tsk tsk).

Dad doesn't think much of birthdays. To him, it's like any other normal day. True. I can understand why he said so. I'm sure Dad never had a proper birthday celebration when he was young. Long history. It's personal, so I shall not mention about it.

Mine's about 2 mths away. I must say I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, I'm scared. Cos I don't want to know how it'll turn out. I don't like my birthdays, because it just reminds me of how alone I am. I'm not trying to sound pessimistic or what, but I do do do feel this way..serious.

Last yr, I wasn't looking forward to my 21st bday, but it turned out to a simple yet memorable one. I didn't have a big bday bash. Neither did I spend it with friends (I don't every year..partly cos no one's free..and I don't wish to know tt I'm the only one excited..damn sad ya noe?). But I had someone whom took the effort to came over during xmas and spent the whole night at my place just to spend the first few hours of my bday with me. And I didn't expect to receive this lovely bouquet of flowers from Kor the next morning. Boy, was I beaming away that morning.

I must say I enjoyed my bday last year in a way. From someone special last year, I didn't get any proper present (I said proper..haha), but I was happy with what he brought. I really was.

But this year..I wonder...what's it gonna be like? I don't want to think of all the nicest things or any miracles that will happen, because I'm very scared I'll be presented with disappointment and sadness as my presents. Yet, at the same time, I don't wish to start thinking that it'll turn out being a day with absolutely nothing worth remembering.

Honestly, I'm envious of people going out partying the whole night with their friends, have a BIG BIG birthday bash, have a wonderful meal and basically chilling out with their closest buddies. In UK, my classmates all have a big birthday bash, and they will go have a great time together to celebrate. And the bday girl or boy will be cracking their heads months before their bday on how to make it a big and enjoyable one.

I don't have one. Never had one too. Even if I had a party (which I did before..mini one), it never turned out fun, but ended up being one which makes me upset. I don't think there is any birthday party of mine, which I can confidently say "I had the most fantastic time." So far, maybe last year's was better than the rest.

I do know of people who actually wanna start planning something for my bday. I'm touched when one of my friends told me that he will do the planning, while I just relax and enjoy it. I'm very appreciative of the effort, but Im afraid, not this year.

I have a birthday wish. Will it come true?

Then again, my birthday wishes never come true..I'm sure others think so about theirs too. Perhaps..I shouldn't even have a wish. Cos wishes..when they don't realise, they break your heart don't they? Especially when you hope this wish will come true so so badly..

We'll see what it will be like 2 mths later. Maybe..just maybe..a miracle might happen (even though I'm having doubts..)

For Priscilla: Hey girl, your bday's coming yah? Excited about it? I'm sure you'll have a great time with your fiance. I think you can start planning how you're gonna celebrate it already, even though NIE might ruin your planning mood at the moment.