YK told me that couples quarrel are rather specified timings of their relationship (e.g. 6 months, 1 year etc). I wonder how true that is.

Dearie and I had a massive quarrel since yesterday afternoon, and it didn't resolve until about 6am this morning. It came to a point when we wanted to call this relationship off. All it would take was a "Let's break up!" when we were literally raising our voices at each other at the early hours of this morning, but I guess both of us knew we would regret the decision to end it all if our minds weren't at its clearest.

Dearie thinks my temper has worsened, because I get worked up quite easily over even trivial matters these days. No doubt I have been losing my temper more recently, but I think that's because it's the time of the year whereby I have endless things to settle and it stresses me even more to get them all done by the end of this week simply because my parents are arriving next week, and the last thing I want is for Mum to nag at me.

But what really hurts was Dearie mentioning that I'm selfish. That, cut me deeply. I have been trying to juggle both mine and his affairs, spending quite a lot of time over the 2 years to do his stuffs whenever possible, and I'm being seen as selfish. And it stems down to just because I went to the hospital to collect a visa letter instead of bringing him to the police station to do some registration. My affairs, therefore, seemed like a more important priority.

I felt very wronged. I had reasons for going down to the hospital to get my letter yesterday, and it wasn't because it seemed like a more important thing to do. I did it because the hospital is quite far away, and it would seem more logical to solve all the problems which require bus travel first, just so in case if there are outstanding issues to be resolved, they are probably solvable in places nearer to my current accomodation, and it will be easier for me to juggle between solving issues and my parents next week.

The whole quarrel sparked because of conflict in plans. Goes down to communication problem, and self-assumption. Common, and unfortunately, it happens to us all the time simply because....we can't communicate.

I've been battling this issue between us ever since we started, and for close to 2 years now, it's not showing very much improvement. I have no idea why communicating with him can be so difficult. Is it the mentality difference? Or is it the culture difference? Or are we just having some problem with our intelligence?

All the time, we assume that the other party wouldn't be angry when certain things are being said. We speak our mind in the way we think is truthful yet not to the extent of being offensive to the other party, assuming that the other person will feel the same way we expect of him/her. We make our own plans, assuming that the other person can see the logic of how the plan is made and assume that the other person will keep to the plan. We assume the other person is intelligent enough to understand what we're arguing about, what we're talking about etc. We assume the other party has enough common sense when doing things. EVERYTHING IS ASSUME! And sadly, assumptions backfires and creates kinks in our relationship.

It makes me wonder if we're having some gap somewhere. Dearie thinks we're alike in many ways, but I always think we're very different from each other, be it level of common sense, independence, tolerance. To be honest, I have never had so much problems communicating in my past relationships and this is the first time I find it being such a major problem.

To ease it all, breaking up would be the best solution. I don't have the qualities of the girl he wants, and I can't communicate well with him. Despite being fluent in Mandarin and English, I still see problems in understanding certain things which he says, and having to get myself to explain until my saliva dries out when I have to explain anything, especially misunderstandings. It has to be into such great detail, something which I don't have to do if talking to my exs. "Is it the culture?", once again I ask myself. No one's able to give me the answer. Besides, if we really need a break up, it's the best time to do it now since we're not going to be in the same country, and it'll save him lots of trouble trying to find a way to stay here in the UK and risk a relationship strain with his Dad.

Yet, I know how much I will be hurting him if I were to ask for a break up. I remind myself day and night of the sacrifices he has made for me. I remind myself day and night of how his family treated me as a guest when I went to China. I remind myself how he had volunteered himself to let me do examinations on him to practise for my exams, and how he gave me emotional support whenever I feel alone and when I was under immense stress. I owe him so much, and each time I think about it, I'll just swallow anything in the relationship that saddens me, telling myself that it's just one of those things that will pass and get better. But I really wonder if I'm kidding myself to avoid the real problem. And of course not forgetting the biggest reason to why I am staying put....I love him and I need him.

It's only days before we won't see each other again, and this had to happen. It should be a time whereby we're cherishing each other more than ever, and having our mini honeymoon, but we spend so much of our time quarrelling instead. It drains me so much, and going through each day with this and having so many other things in my mind really tires me out.

I am so craving for a getaway to have purely fun and nothing else.

And I'm terribly sleepy after having only less than 3 hours of sleep.