Irritates the hell out of me

I'm kinda glad my placement is over. A great relief in a way, cos I can stop getting nightmares and being pissed off abt being stressed over things which are not going to benefit me in any way for the exam, such as forcing myself to be in the hospital when there is nothing very beneficial going on on some days just to make sure I'm around if the Consultant decides to just pop up and ask where I am.

And it's ever more pissing having to sign in everyday, so that the hospital can monitor if u've been ard. Plus Consultant signatures every week for some internal evaluation which is a big pain in the ass, which is meant to actually be feedback, but ended up looking like some hurdle to go through every week just to get a satisfactory pass to go on to the next placement and of course, to make sure that you have been present that week and that the Consultant have seen you.

I got a good grade for my case report, but the Attitude and Conduct bit made me kinda irritated because I didn't get a good score for it.

And comments meant something like I've got an attitude problem.

I agree I have been very quiet in the hospital, and I'm definitely the least sociable among the lot, but that doesn't mean I've got an attitude problem. There is just no common topic to talk about with my coursemates, that's why I'm quiet. I was NEVER seen as a quiet person back home. NEVER!

And I dread social outings, accounting to why I have never turned up for any social events here in the UK. Simply because if all I do the entire night after dinner is to go to some pub and get myself dehydrated with bottles of alcohol and get a nasty hangover the next day, I might as well just have a simple nice dinner and study for the rest of the night. I know building rapport is important, but what's the point of having me around when I can't even drink, when there's no one to talk to, when I'm not even enjoying myself at all. I did make an effort to turn up for social events before with other people, but there was not once I felt I enjoyed. In fact, to me, it's a complete waste of my time and money to get wasted in a pub, and make a fool of myself in front of my coursemates and doctors. So what if I'm some party animal? Is that going to make a difference to my life? If it isn't in terms of practicality, then I'm not interested. Simple as that. Period.

I am so angry tonight, that I shall stuff myself with food later, so that I can get on with my life tonight. Apparently, the nap in the coach didn't cool me down very much.