He finally bought his Macbook Pro in London today, after finding out that it's not possible to claim any tax refund if he purchases it online and there isn't anything called a "brighter screen", but rather a choice of having a Matt or Glossy one. I'm happy that he managed to settle with his decision, and of course even more pleased that at least, we won't have to get into any argument over a lappie again. It's simply not worth it, and utterly ridiculous. And part of me knows that I was being "scolded" for nothing last week over this. Kinda upsets me when I think abt it, but I'll just close the chapter.

And I managed to buy a coat too! It was kinda random since we found it some ordinary store. I was planning to buy a really suitable one even if it's pretty costly, but since this one is good enough and very much cheaper than the branded ones, I'll just be pleased with my find. CG likes it as well, and we're thinking of changing the buttons to create a different look. But where am I going to find buttons? Hmm...

I have been thinking a lot these few days after he wanted a break up. Although we have patched and things are looking fine presently, I can't help thinking again abt my rship. I was extremely disappointed in the things he done that very day, and even though I have forgiven him for it, I cannot forget it. It is still fresh and clear in my mind.

I am worried and very scared. There is this unsaid fear within. I can't help but ask myself if this behaviour is what I'll have to see for the rest of my life if I ever end up with him. It's not the first thing he did this, and by right, any girl will leave him on the spot.

I chatted with Kor abt this, and he said he thinks somewhere in my heart, I know this rship isn't going to last toooo long after this incident. Is this true? I kept thinking abt it again and again. Did I, just not realise it? Kor kept saying "Follow your heart", but what if I don't even know what it is?

This evening during dinner...

CG: I think your friend's name is very nice. Maybe next time, we should call our son that name too.
Me: I don't think it's nice. I still prefer the one u chose last time. Chen Si what?
CG: Chen Si Yuan. Have you thought of other name options for him?
Me: No. I'm happy with this one. Besides, it's probably not even us who will choose it.
CG: Why?
Me: I'm sure parents will get involved.
CG: True. I will think of more names for him..
Me: What for? If we do have a son, that's still a very long time away..
CG: Then I won't have to crack my head during then.

I can see his excitement, but I found myself being less excited than before. The thought of "Will our rship lead to marriage?" struck me. I couldn't answer to myself if I think this rship is THE ONE now. I am very very very confused. He's quite insensitive too, so I doubt he sensed my confusion and probably thinks I'm perfect fine emotionally now that we've patched (when I'm not).

Maybe time will make things better. Maybe time will bring back the confidence I lost. Maybe time will show me that he has changed. Maybe time will heal my wound. I'm trying to be optimistic.

Kor said time might heal my wound, but I won't forget abt it. I guess what he said is true. I seriously don't think 10-20 years down the line, I'll forget.

I was given the advice to keep my options open now that this thing happened. I know tt's the smart way of doing it, but how open should it be? And is it actually right to keep it open when u're already committed?

There's so much which I do not understand.